Duty and other shoulds

This is what I wrote in Paris, on June 9th 2012:

« I think I might be rid of a sense of guilt and experiencing some type of adult freedom. I am becoming responsible for my own projections, desires and drives, I know I create them and that  they have no solid reality outside of my own mind. I have been aware lately that my sense of duty serves as an excuse to justify countless decisions to act in a certain way. What has become blatant is that I create this sense of duty, it does not exist in the person or object I project it onto. I know it seems almost too simple to state all of this, but this knowing I have come to is not conceptual, it is part of my very down to earth daily experience.

I resigned from Anusara Yoga today and have to fly with my own wings, I stepped out of the yoga cocoon and can no longer hide in that made up sense of spiritual safe place. I grew up today.

The feeling I have at this very minute is that I am alone and free,  I am free because I stepped into my aloness – anchorless, the ground less stable and less necessary, death looming and love along with it.

I might be discovering the uncertain, fluid and ungraspable dance of the dragon. The name that was given to me and  that is now tattooed on my wrist has taken on a whole new dimension. « 

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